You Bring me down
by Isefjaer
Summary: how do you feel when you life falls apart? everything is torn apart and you loosing hope.
1. Chapter 1

You feel like shit when your stepdad never says anything to you unless outs negative and you mom is too afraid to tell him to treat you right and with respect. And you feel like your life is about to end when the police tell you that you have to move away, because the fact that your stepdad is seriously dangerous. Leaving everything and everyone behind. Your social network, the one that you have been building up for almost 3 days has to end within three short days. You are out shopping with two of your best friends when your mom comes, pick you up, and tells you the news as you drive out of the parking lot and you can see the mall disappearing along with your friends in the review mirror. The tears rolling down when you slowly start to pack the most important things as they has been since you drove out of the parking lot 20 minutes ago. You sob as you call your friends to tell them you're moving and they cry as well.

You try to smiles when they ring your doorbell an half hour later. All of you stumbled into your room, get comfy on your bed, all of you with teary eyes. Moreover, the tears start to fall not long after that. They tries to lighten your mood by taking your 2 year old little brothers 'walking-car' on a driving round around the apartment and saying things like "my but is way to huge" when they cant get the car over the door step. You let out a laugh as you try to smile.

The next day is much worse, yesterday was all blurry and you felt like you were living in a nightmare. You and your friends take the bus to school, they are with you for support as you give all of your books to your teacher and walk down the halls for the last time.

Later all 3 of you is at the bus stop again. This time to say goodbye, you know you wont see them the next morning cause you leaving . you try to stay strong, but when they start to cry you cant hold yourself anymore. "we won't say goodbye, cause its not a good bye.. We will see you again later," they tells you as they gives you one last tight hug before stepping on the bus.

You and your family. Mom, little sister and little brother drives for 8 hours before you are outside your new home. The town you grew up in. its weird to be back, you haven't been there for almost 3 years. Just on charismas or other vacations. Cause you dad lives there.

The emergency home is nice, you feel safe, but lonely. Being 8hours away from the town and life you loved so much hurts and eats you up inside..

Time flies by and days becomes weeks and months. You know your stepdad are looking for you. And your friends misses you, but they have their own lifes, and the phone calls from them have almost stopped.

And your little family are falling apart, you and your little sister doesn't talk anymore. And you mom feels so guilty for what your stepdad did to you.

And it doesn't get better when one night when you're fighting with your dad, like you have been doing all the time since you came back to the town you do not like anymore. When he tell you "I don't want anything more to do with you, until you grow up"

Things were going better, until you heard those words. They hits you like a slap in the face, taking your breath away. And you cry, for the first time in months. You let the tears fall like you did last time when you had to say "see you soon" to your bestfriends and the town you loved, only worse this time…

You didn't know what to do, you called to your grandma. And once she heard you were crying she became alert. And even more when you said you were sitting down by the lake alone at 11.04 all alone. "Miley, grandpa is on his way to pick you up now. Just stay where you are".

Writhing is my therapy.

Xoxo Lene.


	2. Chapter 2

**The past is the past, the bruises might fade but the scars are here to stay..**

I woke up today and realized it's almost been 6months since that awful morning we had packed up the most important things and left. It was when we drown out of the small town I still love more than anything, no intention to come back. The best friends I had to that day have faded. They aren't best friends anymore. They are friends, or is it in the place to even call them that? They are people I spent every day with for two and a half years. Now I cant say best friends anymore, that hurts. I miss them so much. They went form best friends I knew to "people I know". We used to talk every day. And now we barely don't talk at all.

I think back to the mornings before school. I sat on the bus half asleep. Too early to be alive, to be awake at all. But school is important, education too. So you get up in the morning to get there. I sat on the bus afraid to fall asleep. We came to the stop where I was going off, I always got of with a smile. It wasn't my choice. They just made it that way.

Their bus came in a few minutes after mine. And like always they ran out and it was good mornings greets and bear hugs like we hadn't seen each other in weeks even though it was barely 12 hours. That was the kind of friendship we had. And we all loved it, we were so close. We told each other everything and could joke about everything.

The next school bus came and we were laughing when we walked inside like we always did. The bus driver always had the same look. "How can they have so much energy so early in the morning, I am driving them to school? Which they hate" I bet the thought that. But we didn't care, as long we were together we could be anywhere and still have fun.

I know now I took what I had for granted. I've lived in this shelter for almost six months now. And I know what I miss. I miss waking up in the morning, walking into the kitchen to find my little brother at the table eating cereal for breakfast, mom reading the news paper. I miss walking into the kitchen, our kitchen, sit down beside my mom and have that first cup of coffee of many along the day. Just sit beside her and "wake up" with that cup of coffee, with her.

I just want my life back, be able to walk out the door and not be afraid. Not needing to live in a shelter with alarms connected directly to the police on every door and window's. Bulletproof windows. Be able to be a "kid". Live a little, do things just right there and then. And think about the trouble I might get later. I cant do that, cause if anything went wrong it wouldn't just effect me like it normally would, it would affect the whole family. And maybe even be dangerous for all of us. I have to watch everything I say and do so nothing will go wrong. And it's exhausting.

I hadn't done anything for myself until that night not too long ago when I found out that this was it, not I wanted to do something for myself. I needed to do it, so I did. I took a chance and lived a little and it was good, I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve. With extremely adrenalin rush. Haha.

It happened when I was over at my grandmothers place and my aunt came in and smiling and asked me if I knew where my other aunt was going that night with the train. I didn't, but of course she told me. "she's going to Oslo tonight for the Pink concert tomorrow" my mouth dropped to the floor, my best friend down here from 7th grade had been talking about going, but we had totally forgot. And damn I wanted to go, so bad so we went on the internet at my grandmother's house in seconds to see if there was any tickets left and to our surprise it was. I was like omg lets order, lets do this. I got up and called my mom and told her.

She said no, and that I had school in the morning. And I knew she was afraid to let me go there, to go to the capital of Norway. It is a six hours car ride from where we live now and are safe, but only one hour from the lovely town I love over everything we ran away from. I ignored what she and my family said. I gathered some of the things I had there and tld them I was sleeping at Julla's place for the night and that we took her car to school in the morning. But that was a lie or it became a lie within 30 minutes. Because when that half hour had passed we had been home at her place ordered two tickets, called her uncle to ask if we could stay there a night and was already started on the six hour long road trip to Oslo.

It was crazy, both of us has such a adrenalin rush, the clock was 8.30 pm and we would be there around . I sat with my phone in my hand laughing and waiting for them to call. I sent my mother a message telling her I left even if she said no. she never answered, not until I had to call the morning after to make sure she got the message, she did. But she wasn't in the mood to argue, she said we could talk about it when I came back in town.

The pink concert was awesome, it was the funnies thing ever. Pink is funny. She joked about a lot, she played acoustic guitar when she sang "glitter ball" she told us that she only could play three songs on guitar. She started and the mood was incredible so we all started clapping to the rhythm, she stopped playing and told us "if your gonna clap do it like this" she clapped once and said" oh.. that all I got" we all laughed. She was in the air, like when she preformed sober at the MTV thing. And damn she's good live. Listening to her funhouse CD is boring compared, she's much better live.

I had the best time of my live those two days I was in Oslo, I did something for me. And I was so lucky to share it with Julla . But on the way back home things got ugly. My dad had heard about what we did or had done and called me to yell as always.

That is the kind of relationship we have now, or always have had. He always call when im through his eyes does something wrong. He yells, I've been at his house once, one night since that day he told me that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I never got an apology for that, for what he said. He isn't that person emitting he's wrong. So..

Anyways he called to yell, argue like he always does. I thought like whatever and just let him yell not talking back. I didn't want the drama. Drama sucks. But when he said "your ruining the family" I couldn't help but flip, and damn. I was so angry.

He had no right to say that at all. Cause he never calls to ask how's things are going, how I am. If I want to come over to visit. Never. Before we lived six hours away from each other. Now we live 10 minutes and I see him less now that before. I told him that and I hung up, turned of my phone and wanted to jump out of the car.

Was I ruining the family? By doing something for me for once. I don't. I know that and my mom wasn't mad, she was just glad to have me back in the shelter safe. She even sat down and looked at all the pictures we had taken.

And now 3weeks later I still don't regret my wild tour to Oslo. It was the best thing ever, it was better than when I saw Beyonce live. Pink is better. Way better. I dont talk to me dad anymore he stopped my money again, so im broke, but that's just how amazing he is. Go daddy, or not.

Im sick of drama. I miss my friends and the good ol days.


	3. Chapter 3

My ex stepdad Is seeing my little brother half an hour on wedensay and six and half hours on Tuesday. Sooooo nervous. I don't know what to think, happy for my brother who finally get to see his dad. Or hate the man for making our lifes horrible? Cause in my eyes he doesnt deserve to see his son.

I also need to cancle my trip to Hamar. It makes me sick just to think about it. I can't sleep at night. I never thought I would be so scared, not to this point. I just can't do it. Even how much I have been looking forward to it. Almost a year without My bestfriends.

My besfriends, how planned a surprise trip down here, setting it all up with my mother. But couldn't go trough with it due work. It melted my heart that they would do that for me. Words cant describe how much they mean to me. The bond we have is like a sister-bond. A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double.  
So close as that. I feel like we grew up together even tho we didn't. A sister is a forever friend. We talk at least once a week. About nothing and everything. And its true as they say. Some friends just click forever, and even tho its 44,5 miles between us, we manage to stay as close as we were when we were _almost _neighbors. _To the outside world we all grow old. But not to us "sisters". We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private jokes. We remember feuds and secrets, grief's and joys. We live outside the touch of time._ Even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends. 3

It says alot about a man when he can ruin your life like that. To the point where you are scared to death! Too scared to visit your bestfriends you haven't seen since **June 16 2009.**

I know hate is a very strong word, but I can say with my hand on my heart.  
I. HAT£. HIM.

~ Lene


	4. Chapter 4

Yesterday a very good friend of mine was over and she made me realize something. I've been thinking of it all day, and it's true. From I was little I've switched schools a lot, made new friends all the time though my childhood. Though this past years and a half I've moved 6 times. It's a lot. Things have happened, I've changed a lot, grown up. See things in another perspective then I did 1 year ago. Other things are important now, I see myself letting go of thing's I have been dreaming of forever. Making new dreams, I have _one _childhood friend I still keep in touch with. I dont even know if you would call it your childhood fried if you only had known her since you were 11 and 13. but I do, she's always been there if anything, we always find back to eachother and had some kind of similar adolescence. She told me last night randomly "you are the closest thing I can call a childhood friend" and it got me thinking. She is too.

A lot of things has happened these past weeks. But I finally see an end to it all, the shitty situation is soon over. We can move on. I've lost 'old' friends and gained new ones on a level with "friends for life" it just said click, and we got this strong bond. Including 100% thurst, and we can joke. Real bestfirends. I have had friends over the years who I could thrust with some things. But not all of it, never opened myself completely up. But now.. I know who my friends are. The _real _one's.

Linn,Siw,Maggie,Cecilie,Stine,Annika,Cecilie. These girls, im so lucky to have them in my life, i dont need to feel lonely, hold anything back i can just be myself. And talk about what I feel talking about. No holding back. Not anymore. I would travel around the world with these. I already almost did with a few of them.. we can laugh until we cry, cry til we laugh, drink til we puke, sing at clubs, dance til we cant feel our legs.

I don't need to fake a smile and say im okay when im truly not, I can truly say. I am happy, and it feels so good :)


End file.
